Caroline s Story
Philadelphia, PA USA
5'5" girl. 115 pounds: ready to enter high school and take in what there is to offer: challenging academics, field hockey, lacrosse, theater, singing. Freshman year was exciting. Sure, private high school was challenging, but I was making friends in all of my activities and my grades reflected my hard work. I had friends. I was succeeding. I was happy.
Fast forward to junior year. 5'5" girl. 95 pounds: constantly trying to hold back tears in the middle of class. No longer a star athlete, and struggling to have any more motivation to act and sing. I made new 'friends' and they made me feel oh-so insignificant, and I now know that looking back on it. I was sad for what seemed like 24-hours a day. I was sad when I was awake, and I swear I was still sad when I slept.
But why? I was blessed with so much in my life: wonderful parents, private school and more. I felt selfish for always feeling so sad. 'Stop pitying yourself', I'd think as tears streamed down my face for what seemed like no reason. Questions flowed in-and-out of my head every day:
'Why is this happening?'
'Why do I never want to eat anymore?'
'Will this last forever?'
'Why can't high school just be over with?'
'Why doesn't it seem like anyone cares?'
'Is it normal to feel so worthless, especially after being blessed with so much?'
I faded into skin and bones in what seemed to be a blink of an eye. Food was never appetizing anymore. I checked my body in the mirror what seemed like a thousand times a day. I constantly compared myself to others. I didn't feel like the Caroline that I was freshman year. It was hard to distract myself from these thoughts until I went to a therapist and was prescribed Lexapro after being diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
Fast forward to freshman year of college. 5'5" girl. 130 pounds. Happy. Healthy. Positive. Driven. Involved. Every single day I think of how thankful I am that even when times seemed hardest, I made it through to what is now the happiest time of my life. I have made the best of friends at college and am involved in Greek life, a writer for 'The Odyssey', singing in an a Capella group, and more.
I love my classes and my new home. I love the new me that I have become because of faith in knowing that depression and anxiety can be beaten. There is no reason to ever give up and think of yourself as less than anyone else, and I am thrilled to have found this rainbow after a long storm."