"If my mental illnesses were an ice cream cone, it would look like this: a scoop of anxiety, a drizzle of depression, and a sprinkle of bulimia.

 

I've suffered from anxiety and depression since I was 10-years-old, and now it's more anxiety than depression. Anything can trigger an anxious thought, from me not doing my checklist in the order that I put it to worrying what people think about me every second of every day. Yes, these happen to me.

 

The most recent event in my mental illness journey is overcoming bulimia. After my freshman year, I hated myself, my body, and my weight. I thought the only way to be happy and keep myself sane was to lose 25 lbs. Not to mention that, at this time, I decided that I wanted to be a registered dietitian. I started this diet where I ate mostly protein and very little carbs. I was eating less than 500 calories a day and, at the end of the day when I was hungry, I ate everything in sight. Making up for this and being disgusted with myself, I turned to laxatives for comfort.

 

Fast forward a year later and I was staying in Charleston for the summer. Being bored, lonely, and depressed, I turned to Ben & Jerry's ice cream for comfort. Soon, I couldn't go a day without binging at least twice and eventually laxatives were replaced by vomiting. At this time, I was in so much pain and I wanted it to end. I didn't tell a soul, though, because I was terrified how they would react. A thought kept popping up in my head, 'How in the world are you going to go into a career in nutrition Allie if you can't even control yourself?' 

 

Eventually I got treatment and I've been in recovery ever since. I thought there was something wrong with me if I wanted to go into nutrition yet had an eating disorder. I found out through my treatment sessions that a lot of students who study dietetics develop eating disorders.

 

If I took anything away from my experiences it's that it's okay to have pain, it's okay to have certain feelings, and it's a huge relief when you share your pain and feelings with others."