Marin s Story
Elon, NC USA
"I had my first depressive episode when I was 17-years-old, as a freshman in college. My therapist recommended that I start taking an antidepressant, and so I did, because I wanted nothing more than to go back to a happier and calmer version of myself.
For awhile, the medications I was taking worked- they helped me to get out of bed in the morning, do better in school, pursue my hobbies, and also conquer the social anxiety disorder that was preventing me from making friends before.
Fast forward 2 years and 3 schools later, I started spiraling out of control. I was becoming more emotionally unstable and cycling through more moods than I thought were even possible. I had developed Bipolar II disorder, which is something I always had feared.
I think my biggest challenge of living with bipolar is never knowing what version of myself I’m going to wake up with. There are days when I feel euphoric, like I’m on top of the world and I can do anything that I put my mind to. Other days, I feel like the world is crashing in around me and I don’t have the strength to even leave my room.
It’s really hard for me to not feel bitter about all the experiences and opportunities that bipolar and anxiety have taken away from me. I never really expected this to happen to me, so I don’t know what the future holds. I do know the person I was before I was mentally ill, and that I will keep fighting to get that person back, even if I have to do it for the rest of my life.
To anyone who may be going through something similar, know that you are not alone and you’re going to get through this no matter what it takes. Sometimes, the biggest accomplishment of your day might be something as simple as getting out of bed in the morning, but remember that every day that you get up is a slap in the face to whatever is trying to keep you down."
Story and Photo By: Robyn Lane, Elon University Campus Representative