"When I tell people my story, they often times don't believe me. I am not sure if it's because I come off as happy or if they think I am lying. People look at me and think that I haven't been through anything because I wear lots of colors and always have a smile on my face. It is a mask. I try to fake it until I make it. Someone once told me 'you're lying, no one could possibly have gone through that much trauma and survived'. Well, I survived.

 

It would take an entire book to explain everything in detail, so here is a list. I have been raped twice by two different men. I have also been stalked, and sexually harassed on multiple accounts. I had an eating disorder for over fifteen years- I went to treatment for three months about a year ago and am still in recovery. My mother is a recovering alcoholic, narcotic, and cancer survivor. My parents are now divorced. I have been emotionally abused all my life by family and peers.

 

In middle school my friends created the 'I hate Megan club' for reasons I still do not understand. I have had 16 people in my life, close friends and family members, die due to overdose, suicide, car accidents, illnesses, etc.

 

I have struggled with generalized anxiety disorder and severe depression for as long as I can remember. I have been going to therapy since I was about 10 years old. I used to cut myself when I was a teenager. And most recently, over the summer my house burnt down and I lost everything I owned. I ran into the fire to try and save my beloved cat, but was unsuccessful. I currently struggle with PTSD from the fire.

 

There are more things that I could list, but there are too many. Every day I deal with anxiety, depression, my eating disorder, and PTSD. Life never stops, and I have never given up.

 

Now that you have read my list of traumas, here is a list of reasons why I am alive. First, I love my family and friends too much. I will never forget the pain, anger, and helplessness I felt when my close friend died by suicide.

 

Second, I truly believe that there is always something to live for. If you can find beauty in the wind, a flower, or the blessings that you have in your life, that in itself is something to live for. Beauty and love are everywhere, and it is often right in front of you. All my life I have struggled to feel loved and wanted. After my house burned down, I was shocked by how many people in the community rushed to my side. Complete strangers gave me so much love and support. I have always been loved, but I was always too caught up in my own pain to see it.

 

Lastly, I believe I have been through all of this so that I can live to tell my story, to help others that can relate to me, and to give love back into this world that so desperately needs it. You are loved, you have a purpose. You. Are. Worthy."

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Photo by: Cheyenne Abrams, College of Charleston Campus Rep